“What do I have to offer?”

“You have much to offer.”

“Much?  Me?  I don’t know what it is, what You think I have to give.”

A quick flash of my work life went through my mind.  I heard the praise of many people on how I just stepped in and did so much in such a short period of time. 

“True enough, I feel like I’ve stepped into my element at work but what does that have to do with this?”

“They need the same things you’re giving at work.  Creativity.  Insight.  Administration.  A willingness to take a project and run with it and see it succeed.  They need the same go-getter attitude you are getting praised for at work.”

“How can I give that much?  I’m giving all I have every day at work and now I’m supposed to somehow find the strength to do it at church too?  How?  I’m exhausted now.”

“Why do you find it so much easier to give your all at work than you find giving your all to Me?”

“I don’t know.”  I say but thoughts of praise and tangibility come to mind pretty quickly on the heels of my words.

“I have a purpose for you and it encompasses all that you have to give.  Yes, I am using you at work and I am pleased with your efforts there but there is more.  You have a work to do in My Kingdom as well.  Your success at work is just a way to show you what is possible in other areas of your life where you are not so daring, not so bold, not so confident.  You could be as confident working in My kingdom as you are working in a job if you would just trust me and step out of your comfort zone.”

The pastors message from Sunday - authority equals responsibility - comes back suddenly with great clarity and I know why I work so hard at work.  There is praise.  Immediate gratification in a lot of ways - a paycheck, things that I can see and touch and feel and benefit from.  That wouldn’t be the case just giving to a church so freely.  The benefits would be there but many of them would be eternal. 

Where your heart is….

What do I treasure?  Hard question.  To look at my life it would appear I treasure work and the opinion of man but my lips say I treasure God and His eternal purpose.  So, now that I’m faced with Him asking me directly if I will give Him as much of myself and my talent and gifts as I am giving at work I have to decide if I am really who and what I claim to be.  Am I someone so sold out to God that I will willingly give Him my all, be broken and poured out for Him?  Or am I someone who seeks to praise Him with my lips but has my heart far from Him, resting in the things of the world that will surely pass away and offer no reward in the end?

This is not my favorite kind of conversation.  I much prefer to hear God say, “Keep up the good work” or some other comforting thing to show me I’m going the right way.  Course corrections are vital but still not my favorite.  Even as I write that I know that course corrections are really the only way to become like Christ and the only way to fulfill all that God created me to be.  I am His workmanship, His handiwork, born anew in Christ to do HIS work…and today I am reminded again of Whose I am.

One of the things I have frequently struggled with in the 10 years I’ve been a Christian is faith.  In Matthew 17:20 Jesus says to the disciples,  ”And He said to them, “Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.”  That is a comforting scripture to me because a mustard seed is pretty small, I bought one once just to see how tiny it was and to add to my comfort that I was not completely without faith. 

Still there are places through out the New Testament where Jesus calls the disciples men of ”little faith” and that made my brain tilt.  What difference does it make if they have “little faith” if nothing is impossible to the one who has mustard seed faith?  Add to that the fact that I have heard tons of teaching on faith: 

Know the promises in the Bible that apply to your situation and repeat them over and over until you believe and it will happen.

Fight for the promises of God to come to pass and to keep them in your life.  If you’re not fighting, you don’t have faith.

If you suffer anything and don’t find the victory you don’t have enough faith.

Put faith in this healing message, put faith in this preacher, put faith in these words, put faith in this formula, put faith in this cloth, put faith in these pills.

At one point I recall telling God that I didn’t get the whole “faith” thing and I apologized to Him for being such a terrible let down.  I mean, seriously, what kind of Christian doesn’t get “faith”?  It was disappointing and frustrating to me and so I kind of steered clear of those who were always talking about faith because what they were saying never felt right in my heart.  But in the last few weeks God has been showing me things that have really helped me a lot and suddenly I am feeling good about the whole faith thing.

I am doing this daily Bible reading program and right now I’m reading 2nd Samuel and 1st Chronicles (among other things).  As I was reading about the life of David I was surprised at how he never did anything to make the word of God come to pass.  He didn’t “war” with the promise.  He didn’t run around repeating “I will be king, I will be king, I will be king.”  He didn’t act like he was already the king even though, technically he was because he had been anointed king of Israel by Samuel.  David just trusted God.  He talked about God.  His focus was always on God.

David was called a man after God’s own heart…and, to be honest, I’d really like to be known as a woman after God’s own heart.  I love Him so much.  Well, after seeing this and suddenly feeling free from the need to learn how to talk just right and from the need to do battle with promises and fight to keep what God says He’s given me - He walked right in and showed me the thing that blew me away the most.

It was a comment in my Bible on one of the passages where Jesus makes the “ye of little faith” comment and it said that Jesus was not commenting on the size of their faith but where their faith was.  It went on to say that when Jesus had sent them out to minister, their faith was in God and Him alone, they knew they could do nothing of themselves that if they were going to see miracles it could only be by the power of God.  They may have been nervous.  Their faith may have been the size of a mustard seed BUT it was IN the right place. 

Then, in this particular passage of scripture the disciples are asking Jesus why THEY couldn’t cast out a demon - not long before they were rejoicing because the demons were subject to them and there was a change in their focus - suddenly their faith was in themselves.  God had used them mightily and done great things through them and their SELF-confidence grew rather than their God-confidence and it was then that Jesus said they had little faith.

The picture that came to my mind was a person taking a light bulb and sitting it in the glass dome of an oil lamp and trying to get the bulb to come on.  The bulb is new and nothing is wrong with it, but it is connected to the wrong source of power so it can produce no light.  If you take the same bulb and twist it into a lamp - you get light!  It’s the same with faith - if you put faith in yourself and your abilities - your faith is little because your power source is very limited.  If you take the same faith and put it in God suddenly the impossible is possible because the power source is unlimited.

Back to David - before he went out to meet Goliath, he told Saul that God had given him the victory over the bear and the lion and the same God would give him the victory over the giant.  David knew God.  He was not arrogant.  He knew he did not overcome the bear and the lion in his own strength but that only by God’s hand did he have the victory.  Because he knew God and because he had faith in God, nothing was impossible for him.   His faith was in the right place.

My heart longs to know God like this, to know Him so well that my faith “naturally” rests in Him with this kind of confidence.  How often am I prompted in my spirit to do something and draw back because of fear, because I don’t think I can do it.  This is not only arrogance because I think it’s me who is going to do it, but it is also showing how much of a hindrance having faith in me and my abilities can be.  Time and again, had I obeyed, lives could have been changed but because my faith was in the wrong place I was disobedient.  Oh me of little faith.

It doesn’t have to be that way.  I know it doesn’t.  And my daily pursuit is to know God in such a way that my faith would always rest in Him - not just in some areas but in every area.  He is the God of my faith and the place my faith belongs.

I think many of us do silly things when we first come to Christ.  We come believing that we know what He wants and, not knowing Him, we end up putting ourself in bondage to expectations that do not come from God but from our misconceptions about Him.

When I first came to Christ I believed that nothing that I loved could be okay.  That everything I did and everything I had could only be 100% about God or it was bad and wrong.  I threw out most of the books I loved because they were not about God.  I burned close to 1,000 poems because they weren’t about Him.  I got rid of many of my CD’s (some of that WAS good but not all).  I thought it was what God wanted of me.  I had this image of Him that was so staunch, so strict.  I imagined that He didn’t want me to have anything that I enjoyed because how could I enjoy something that wasn’t entirely about Him.  It was a rough time.  But as I grew closer to Him and got to know Him as He really is, I began to understand that He gave me the gifts I had stopped using.  Sure there was a purification process in a lot of things but it had not been God who asked me to throw away everything and to stop writing and to stop enjoying life.  It was not God who told me to stop playing the flute, to stop writing songs, to stop writing stories.  He delighted in my delight in those things, it just took some time for me to see it.

When I began to see how much God wanted me to enjoy life and to see things through His eyes I began to feel regret at all the things I threw away in my zeal to prove myself a true follower of Christ who would give it all for Him.  Time and time again my heart would be sad over my ignorance but God kept promising restoration.

In the past several months God has been doing a lot of restoration and just last weekend He gave me back many of the books that I had given away, and in the box with the books, He gave me back many of the poems that I burned.  I am still amazed at all He has given to me and His faithfulness to restore according to His promise.  He is so amazing!!!!

In 1998 God sent Joseph and Briana Branchflower to the River Bible Institute in Tampa, FL.  In 1999 He called them back to Portland.  Rather than start a church immediately, Joseph and Briana went to City Bible Church and pastored there, faithfully obeying the leading of the Lord.

In 1999 God sent me to the River Bible Institute in Tampa, FL.  In 2001 I moved back to Washington in, pretty much complete disobedience to what God was telling me to do.  While in Washington I attended City Harvest Church, a sister church to City Bible Church in Portland.  In 2005, while I was at a series of revival meetings in Juneau Alaska, God told me to return to Tampa immediately and finish Bible School - which I did.  I came back to the Portland area to visit family in August of 2007 and while I was here God told me it was time to move back.  I flew back to Tampa on Thursday, loaded up my car on Friday and drove the 3,000+ miles from Tampa to West Linn, OR.  I arrived back in Oregon the second week of September of 2007.

Towards the end of September 2007 Joseph and Briana Branchflower, along with a group of others, started a church in SE Portland with a heart to bring revival to Portland and see God move in the Northwest.

When I arrived I began going from church to church, looking for the place I belonged, a place I could come and give freely of the gifts God had given me, a place hungry for the reality of God’s presence and completely sold out to His purposes with no misconceptions that living in His presence and His purpose comes at a cost.  After many months of going from church to church I just stopped.  I didn’t feel like I’d found “the place” I was looking for, I was just done looking.  I needed to settle somewhere.  I was tired of being the new person every single Sunday.  So I stayed at this particular church.  There are a lot of good things about they church - the people are warm and are real, they believe that it’s vital to find people’s gifts and place them in the body according to their call and not just to fill a need, they have a very methodical approach to the Word.  Still, I struggled with the questions - Why is there no growth?  If this is a pentecostal church, where is the fire of the Spirit?  Why does praying in tongues feel like something that must be done in secret rather than freely?  Where is the freedom of the Spirit?  Where is the life of God?

About two weeks ago I was praying because I was really struggling with why I had no desire to go to church.  That’s not normal for me.  I love being in God’s presence with His people.  I love worshipping Him with other believers and hearing the Word and being changed more and more into His image by what I learn.  I love giving of whatever God is giving me.  And it seems, even with going to church, I wasn’t really doing those things.  It’s hard to put into words.  So as I prayed it finally came out - “God, where is the life of Your Spirit?  Where is the life of Your Presence?  Isn’t there a place in Portland where You are free to move and have Your way?  Isn’t there a place where the people are genuinely seeking You and revival and are not content to just pray about it but are pressing in to You to open the doors for You to come and move freely?” 

Church should be a place of life and refreshing.  It should be a place where we come and truly meet with God.  It should be a place where the focus is set on Him and His will and His ways; worshipping Him, loving Him, giving Him our all and being open to receive from Him whatever we need to move forward in His plan and purpose.  It is not another thing to do, like reporting to work, it is supposed to be the place we come to get energized to go out into all the world and preach the gospel.  A place of genuinely experiencing His presence.  A place where He comes alive to us more and we get to know Him better.

So, I was feeling discouraged and feeling a bit like I was being judgemental.  Perhaps God had brought me to this church to bring His life and to remind them what they were missing but in prayer I was getting no answer.  So I was biding my time knowing God would be faithful to show me what He wanted in due season.

Well, on April 10th not long after praying the prayer about “where is there life in this city” I received a message on Facebook from someone I didn’t know.  The subject was “Portland!”  The message simply said -

Hi,

It’s great to see someone with a connection with revival here in Portland!

Joseph

I was blown away.  I didn’t really know how to respond.  The only people I knew of with a connection to revival in Portland were ones that had gone off the deep end doctrinally.  I didn’t recognize the name and wasn’t sure how they found me, unless they knew some of the friends I had listed.  I was just perplexed and curious.  What if this was God answering my prayer?  Could God answer my prayer through Facebook?

The communication started off a bit tentative, I think but as I found out where his background was and the amazing parallels in timing and churches I was blown away.  I began asking myself if this could really be what I was looking for.  Could this be why God brought me back to the Northwest?  Even if it wasn’t, something was stirring in my heart.   A fresh hunger for revival.  A fresh desire to be used of God.  And a longing to find someone who “spoke my language.”  The language of someone who has encountered God and has a real, living, experiential relationship with Him.

I won’t get into the whole conversation that took place over the next few days but it was so encouraging.  I knew that in the very least I had to visit this church and see if this was the place I’d been seeking all this time.  Services are on SE 49th and Division (I grew up in SE Portland) and they are held on Friday nights at 7pm. 

Friday morning I had my time with the Lord and as I was walking out of my room to make breakfast, I heard the Lord say to me - “I am bringing you out of the shadows.  From now on you will go and you will go in power.  It is time for  you to step up and be who I made you to be.”  It kind of shook me because He’s been speaking to me about doing a new thing and telling me to be ready to be a part of it.  Talking to me about being part of the body and supplying what He has given me to supply.  About boldly stepping out and not holding back any more, not hiding because of fear or rejection but boldly speaking His word, boldly declaring my love for Him, boldly sharing the words He puts in my mouth and trusting that I do hear His voice. 

He also made it very clear that He wanted me to go check out this church - The Current (they have a blog here on wordpress currentword.wordpress.com).  Their website is www.portlandcurrent.com

I have to admit it was hard to get going, there was such resistance in my flesh.  It had been a long day at work.  I wanted to sleep.  I wanted to read.  I wanted… but that morning the Lord had spoken clearly to me and told me to go.  I was really struggling with being obedient even though it had been so clear.  Finally I just had to make the decision to go and obey or to disobey and not go.  I went!

I’m so glad I did.  I walked through the door and there was such an expectancy - the life of God was tangible in that place and so was His love.  I was welcomed with genuine sincerity.  I could feel the presence of God moving in the sanctuary.  Children running everywhere, happy and content.  Two words came to my heart immediately - “Life” and “Destiny”.  I knew I had stepped through the door into the new thing that God had for me.  I knew that life was suddenly going to be very different.  That I would be poured out like never before, stretched beyond what I thought I could do.  I knew that this was not a place where God was calling me to come and soak and just enjoy His presence but that He was calling me alongside to help, to pour out everything that He has put in me, for me to step into my calling and be willing to use the gifts that He has given me as He calls on me to use them.  A new day of boldness.  A day to burn the bridges of the past that connect using the gifts He has given me to fear and shame and embarrassment and uncertainty and to go forward, knowing I will make mistakes but trusting all the more that His strength is made perfect in weakness and that in the mistakes He will still be glorified.

I am excited for what the future holds.  I don’t even know what that will be yet, but the sense of anticipation that God is about to do something great is really stirring in my heart and I can hardly contain the excitement at seeing Him move.

I received a forwarded e-mail today that was called “The Last Day. Sobering.”  It was a series of amazing pictures and 10 questions God won’t ask you on the Last Day.  It made me want to cry.  It said things like “God won’t ask  you what kind of car you drive, He’ll ask  you how many people you drove who didn’t have transportation”  “God won’t ask you how many square feet were in your house, He’ll ask you how many people you welcomed into your home” and on and on.  They were all good things to do but no where in there did it mention Jesus.  The entire e-mail made it sound like you could find salvation just by doing good things and focusing on the “right” things.  That’s what hurt my heart.  I was not encouraged.  I wanted to “reply all” and tell everyone who received the e-mail:

In fact, God will ask you nothing on the Last Day as you stand before His throne.  He will open the Lamb’s Book of Life and look for  your name.  If it is there, you will enter in to Heaven.  If it is not there, you will go to Hell.  Even if your numbers on all 10 of the questions that God would ask were astronomical - better than anyone in all of history - if you do not know Jesus, you will not enter Heaven.

In Matthew 7:21-23 Jesus said “21“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.  22“Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’  23“And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.’ “

All their good works, even their good works done in the name of Jesus, amount to nothing in the last day without a personal relationship with Him; without accepting His sacrifice; without making Him Lord in deed and not merely in word. 

With e-mails like the one I just got going around, many people are going to be surprised on that day.  They are going to go through their lives with a misplaced confidence that doing good works is enough; that somehow they will stand before God on their own and escape the judgement that is to come to every individual who refused to accept Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior.  Not one of us can stand on our own before God and live; only clothed in Christ - the Righteousness of God Himself - can we come with boldness before the throne of God and find grace and mercy.

The Bible is clear that the wages of sin is death and while it is true that the wages of sin was paid by the death of Christ on the cross - only those who accept His payment for them are free from the debt of sin.  The good news, the best news is that He will never turn anyone away - not ever.  Acts 2:21 says “and it shall be that EVERYONE who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” and 2nd Peter 3:9 reassures us that “The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.”

Those of us who know Jesus and find our lives in Him are anxiously awaiting His return.  What a joy to see the One who died for me and lives for me face to face, to thank Him, to bow before Him, to love Him and worship Him in person.  But it is because of God’s great desire that none should perish that the coming of our Lord is delayed.  God is a loving God.  He sent Jesus because of the depth of His love for us and we are still awaiting Christ’s return for that same reason.  God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son and He so loves the world that He has held back His return until more people can hear the good news that Jesus died to pay our debt and He rose again, leaving sin in the grave, to live and walk with us through life as children of the Most High.

The reality of the last day is sobering, and the Bible says each man will be judged by his works but that is after the separation of the children of God adopted through the shed blood of Christ from the children of the devil who have rejected God and His Christ.  Without Him, all of our good works are meaningless and empty.

1st Corinthians 13:1-3  1If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.   2If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

1st John 4:8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

 3And if I ^(I)give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I ^(J)surrender my body ^[a]to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Yep, more on the Tabernacle.  God is really challenging me in how I think about my role in this life and His expectations.  He never changes, never wavers and what He established in the Old Testament made way for the New Covenant that I, and all who call Jesus Lord and Savior, partake of today.

 Besides dealing with me about being the light of the world and what He showed me about the lamps burning in the Old Testament Tabernacle.  He also showed me the “show bread” or the “bread of the Presence” - it was also called the “bread of faces”.  I didn’t know that, and actually read it in a commentary.  So often I have taken comfort in knowing that Jesus is the Bread of Life, that everything in the Tabernacle was a type and shadow of Him and what He was to do in His coming.  Now, as I said, I am challenged - I see that it was not only about Jesus but about those who believe in Him and choose to follow Him. 

The bread of the Presence was 12 loaves of unleavened bread made with the finest flour.  The bread was set out in two rows of six on a table specifically for that purpose and was to be left out until the Sabbath, when the priests would take the old bread and replace it with fresh bread.  There is more to it but for what I’m writing that’s the main part. 

It was called the bread of faces because it represented the faces of the 12 tribes of Israel continually in God’s presence.  And because it was continually before God’s face.

The bread represents Christ, Who is the bread of life, the bread from Heaven.  It represents His purity, being unleavened and of the finest flour. It represents the sufficiency of God’s provision, the bounty of the table He has prepared for us in His presence.  And it represents the lives we are to lead as those set apart to God.  Pure, undefiled, fresh in our relationship with the Lord, and finding refreshment in the Lord of the Sabbath who continually feeds of this amazing delicacy. 

Jesus, the Bread of Life, was broken for the world to come into relationship with the Father.  Holy, pure, set apart and broken so that all who would come and partake of His sacrifice would know life.  It is the promise and the hope that never grows old.  Just as He broke the bread and passed it out the 5,000 and the 4,000 feeding them all until they were satisfied, His desire is to feed the spiritually hungry and separate from God with His broken body until they come to know Him and find their satisfaction in relationship with Him.  In feeding the multitudes, Jesus broke the bread and handed it to His disciples to distribute to those who were there.  He said the blessing.  He did the breaking.  His disciples distributed the bread.

And it is there that the challenge came to my heart - He is the blessed, broken bread of the Presence and He has freely given Himself to me, as His disciple am I being obedient to take of that unending, never stale bread of Life and give it to the hungry and hurting and searching around me?  Am I faithful in my relationship with Him so that what I have to give is never the stale bread that should have been replaced last Sabbath but is the fresh, wholesome bread of a present, active, living relationship with Jesus?  Am I abiding in the Word?  Am I abiding in my relationship with the Lord?  Am I willing to say what I hear the Father saying and do what I see the Father doing in spite of what people think?  Is my life unleavened - pure before God or is it tainted with passions that I have not submitted to Him?  If I were to give someone to eat of the bread that I have - would it be the pure, satisfying, fresh, life giving bread of heaven or would it be stale and leave them empty and still looking?

With Peter, I want to say “Such as I have, give I thee.”  And know that “such as I have” is the Bread of the Presence.

I am reading an old book by Billie Graham called “World Aflame” - in the book he was talking about Christians being the light of the world, and, perhaps since I just finised reading Exodus and Leviticus, I saw this picture in my head of the light that was kept continually burning in the Tabernacle of Israel.  It was to burn with the purest of olive oil and was to never go out.  How true is that of us?  Jesus is the True Light of the World but He, Himself referred to all who believe in Him as being the light of the world.  The Holy Spirit in us, often represented in scripture by oil, is the pure oil which is our fuel to keep us burning brightly and consistently for the Lord - to light the way into relationship with Him for those who do not know Him and to those who follow after us as we pursue a deeper relationship with Him.  So often, I know that I waver, that my light does not always shine brightly and that I do not always draw on the Holy Spirit when I should but this really made me think more about who we are all supposed to be in this life.  Regardless of our job, regardless of our station in life, regardless of whether we are in full time ministry or are working a secular job or are staying home and taking care of children - we are children of God and the light of the world - His light to the world - and it is our responsibility and honor to draw on His indwelling presence so that our light shines the same where ever we go, whatever we are doing, in whatever circumstance.  The world deserves to see the light that comes from the pure oil of the Holy Spirit in us,  they deserve the opportunity that we have already had, to find our way into the open arms of the Savior and into the Holy of Holies where they will find freedom and peace and joy.

 I was challenged to make sure there is plenty of oil in my lamp so that I can burn for the Lord with pure and holy love and passion for Him so that others will long to know Him as I do.

I just finished this huge project…well a huge part of a huger project!  One of my goals this year is to get all of my writing (songs, stories, journals, bible study notes)  typed and on my computer.  Step one was all my poems and songs.  That is done.  Step two was my journals.  This was actually a big challenge because there were some very difficult months and years that I had to type.  But, today I finished.  All of my journals are officially typed!!!  It is such a relief.  This is something I’ve been working on for a couple years but I focused on anything but my journals, even though I felt like the journals were of higher importance.

It was a learning experience - there were so many things that I had forgotten until I read them again.  I can see the things God was doing and how He was orchestrating things in my life.  The funny thing is…well, not funny, incredible actually.  Is that there was  a period of time I knew that I was not in God’s perfect will for my life.  He was still showing me stuff and I was still praying and all of that, but I was on my own tangent and during that time the Lord spoke so many things to me, showed me so much and I just wrote it down - I had not known how to respond and the situation I was in made it very difficult.   But then God got me back on course and over the past few weeks I have marveled at how what He was telling me and showing me while I was on the backside of the desert is exactly where I am now.  It is as if I have come full circle and am now exactly where I am supposed to be.

In that time He talked to me about my purpose, the place I belonged, the gifts He had given me and many other things - things that are precisely what I am delving into now in my personal prayer time and in church.  He was talking to me about running the race to win and not going my own way or just sitting on the sidelines - and that is what He has been showing me now.  My prayers back then were “Show me Your ways” and that has been my prayer for this whole year.  I am astounded at how perfectly everything is falling into place.  It’s as if He is showing me that He has made up all the ground that I lost in my wanderings and now I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  His lovingkindness and patience is so overwhelming.  His plan is so perfect.  I am so thankful that even with my self-will and disobedience, He can take the bad and make it work out for the good.

One day at a time as I continue completing the things He has given me to do over the years that I have been His I am finding His presence even nearer to me, and my desire to be fully His growing stronger by the minute - one day at a time.

Okay, I’m reading my good friends blog and she did this “meme” (I have no idea what a meme is…).  Anyway, in this post she listed six weird things about her and it sounded like fun so I thought I’d do it too for kicks.  I have a thing about calling anything about me “weird” though, so I changed up the title…I’m unique! LOL

1. I often have to write things down before I talk about them.  It helps me figure out what I’m feeling and why before I  actually discuss them with someone.  It helps me avoid “finding out” what’s going on in my heart and head in front of someone.

2. I’m very tactile.  I love to feel different textures.  Especially if I’m out on a walk or a hike - I like to run my hands over the bark of trees, or pick up rocks, and feel the leaves on different plants.  (This would make it pretty important for me to learn which ones are poison.)

3. There are days that are like musicals to me ( a lot of them) and as I go through them everything makes me want to sing - sing a response, sing a question.  It’s not just that things remind me of songs, I make them up as I go.  Sometimes it’s very hard for me to not sing out-loud and I have to hum just to get it out of my system!

4. I LOVE tomatoes!!!  I could eat them for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.  I have to try not to think about them before I go to bed because I will actually wake up in the middle of the night just to eat one!

5.  I am somewhat obsessive about whatever notebook I’m currently writing in.  In school a friend wanted to see what I was writing and she took the notebook.  That wasn’t bad, until she passed it to someone else.  I totally panicked (on the inside, I’m great at maintaining that calm, cool appearance on the outside!).  When I finally got it back I was SO relieved.

6. I hate talking on the phone!  It’s fine at work but once I get home or away from work it’s the last thing I want to do.  Particularly if I know it’s going to be a long conversation.  I actually only have one person who I will talk to on the phone, knowing it will always be longer than an hour and it’s okay.  Otherwise, if I can e-mail, that is my preference!

I don’t know how many people out there make “to do” lists like I do.  When I’m working I have one for work, one for personal both for day to day things that need to get done and then I have one humongous one with all the projects I want to complete in my lifetime.  At one time I even prioritized it!  Yikes.

 Well, for the past two days I’ve been working on one MAJOR project.  Taking all the things that I have written - either by hand or on other computers - which I do not have in electronic format and typing it onto my computer.  Did I mention this was a MAJOR project?  Huge.  After two days of typing the pile is currently about a foot and a half high of what is remaining, not including the stuff that is in individual books.  And, keep in mind, I have at other times, started this project so there’s some that was done before.  That’s a lot of writing.  When I started (3 years ago! Ouch!) The pile was about two and a half feet high.  This is journals, meeting notes, sermon outlines, poems, songs, stories, Bible study notes, snippets for future writing purposes.  Some of the stuff I typed today went back to 1998!

So, this is a serious project and I’m feeling pretty good about the progress I’ve made on it.  Most of what I’ve finished typing so far has been journals.  Three, once blank books down, five more full ones to go and they aren’t even part of the foot and a half pile that is sitting neatly in a box under my desk.  Yikes!  But what has interested me is how many more “to do” lists I’ve found in my journals.  Little things I wrote that I wanted to do, or needed to do years ago, that I still think I should do but haven’t done yet.

Finishing this project is going to leave me with an even longer master list (can’t you hear the booming voice saying it?  “THE MASTER LIST” *rofl* I sure can!) but at least I’ll be able to cross off one thing.  I even found, at the beginning of my 2007 journal a list that said - “additional things to complete in 2007″ - and that was 2 typed pages long and not even part of my original master list that I’ve been working from.

I think I need a new notebook *sigh* labeled “INFAMOUS, NEVER ENDING LIST OF THINGS TO DO” *lol*  But then, that would just be one more thing to type.  Perhaps instead of a notebook (but I love fresh notebooks that haven’t been tarnished by ink or pencil, waiting for me to fill them with words or pictures or clippings…) I could make an Excel spreadsheet and put a goal completion date and a place for an actual completion date.  If I get really bold, I could even put on there the date it made it to the BIG LIST!  That might be pretty scary.

Well, I was ready for bed and quite tired of typing when I thought - “hey, this is something I can share with the world!”  So there you go world!